Whelp, Kitsch is dead. We hoped, wished and prayed he’d take the Truest D crown last minute by hopping on Colin Farrell’s but, alas, he died a closeted, overly-aggro spud of a man. If Kitsch dying is an Ep 2-stye fake out, we’re gonna be pissed.
Wait a minute… no! NO! What if Colin Farrell was shot with real bullets in Ep 2, and every subsequent episode has been but a fruitless glimpse into some kind of wild coma dream or, even worse, AFTERLIFE – you know, the kind he “deserves”?! FUCK! That’s why this show doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, right? That’s why when anyone attempts to detail progress made on the case, their words turn into incomprehensible blather that tickles the “off” switch in our brains, leading us to forget who we are, why we’re here, and whether or not we actually care about the mystery presented before us.
Guys, True D S 2 might just wind up being a load of faux-Lynchian bullshit. If this is the case, mass suicide, Brunch Club HQ, next Sunday, midnight. It’s gonna be hard to type about these Ds while keeping our fingers crossed for a half-decent, of-this-world ending.
Colin Farrell (aka Det. Ray Velcoro)
Is the TV equivalent of Bradley Cooper’s character in Limitless, only the drug that makes him better at his job/life in gen is alcohol as opposed to Adderall or whatever the fuck Cooper kept popping in that movie. In terms of concrete D-related material, Velcoro was tenderly sexed by Bezzerides at end of Ep – his D game seemed devastatingly average in this moment.
Vince Vaughn (aka Frank Semyon)
Among other strong-ass D moves, VV shot one of his cronies in the stomach, poured himself a scotch and casually watched the dude perish. He may or may not have popped a bone in the process.
Taylor Kitsch (aka Officer Paul Woodrugh)
Was doing some deec police work (he seemed to be the only D willing to push papers and do deskwork), then died. Oh, and his army buddy fling was some kind of setup, BTW. Poor petit patate. Kitsch literally risked his life to stay in the closet. He died as he lived – with a weally weak D. RIP.
Rachel McAdams (aka Det. Ani Bezzerides)
Bezzerides spent the last half of this ep owning up to her shit and opening up to others emotionally – in many ways, she put the True back in True D this week. She also banged Farrell, although we pictured Kitsch’s face in her place during the entire sesh – y’know, out of respect for the fallen.
Honourable Mentions: While many were deserving this week (mostly Vera for being a stone cold badass), we can’t afford to discuss peripheral characters anymore. With one ep left, shit’s getting way too real for that.
Winner: It’s a tie between Vince Vaughn and Rachel McAdams.
Trueness of D is a spectrum, with both extremes representing an equally powerful, yet completely different, type of D Strength. As of right now, Semyon and Bezzerides each occupy one of these powerful ends – VV is ultimate darkness, and RM is the blinding light. WHO WILL CONQUER AND TAKE HOME THE TEENY TINY TRUE D CROWN NEXT WEEK? We’re just as curious as you are.