The Worst Vacuum Salesman in the World

DING-DONG!

Hello, sir and or madam, may I come in? Oh alright, I suppose I can do my sales pitch on your doorstep. 

CLEARS THROAT

Could I trouble you for a glass of water? I've been walking around all day in the hot sun carrying my wares and by golly I'm thirsty. I used to have a car, but it was repossessed and I've been on foot ever since.

Can't spare a glass of water, eh? That's ok. I understand. Say, maybe when we're done here, you could give me a ride home? These bunions o'mine are just like onions...they make me cry whenever I try to cut them in half! 

Ok, sir and or madam, enough jibber jabber. It's time for me to sell you a vacuum.

CLEARS THROAT.

Dear sir and or madam. You look like someone who really cares about suction. I mean, I look at you and all I can hear is the word "suck" over and over again. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck.

Since you're all about sucking, allow me to show you something that really sucks. This is the Dirt Gobblin' Goblin 5000, the suckiest machine this side of the Mississippi! All you got to do is plug this sucky baby in to some electricity--because this sucky baby practically runs on electricity--and let it fly! It sucks up everything from solids to liquids and practically everything in between. 

And because I can tell you're a sucker, I can give you a special price of 15 thousand big ones. What do you say? Do we got a deal?

DOOR SLAMS.

Why in Sam Hill can't I make a sale?