The Greatest Story Ever Told (That's Not About Jesus)

If you were to ask a someone (most likely a Christian) to tell you the greatest story ever told, they would regale you with a tale about a boy born on Christmas who grew up to be the Easter Bunny because Christ's biography is a timeless classic. 

However, if you were to include the caveat that the greatest story ever told couldn't be about the world's most famous Nazarene, this is the story they would tell you.

The greatest story ever told (that's not about Jesus) begins the same way all great stories do:

"So get this..."

Instantly, we are all enthralled by what we are about to get. Hook, line and sinker. And this is only the beginning. Riveting!

"We're all in the hot tub..."

A hot tub! Is there any place you would rather have a story set? Scantily clad bodies stewing in the scorching hot bromine-water... The possibilities for intrigue are endless...

"And then Tucker is like..."

Ah Tucker. A character for all seasons. His witty retorts are as reliable as his Von Dutch hats, a relic from the past he keeps alive on his head, especially when soaking in a hot tub. Yes, this story truly is great. Isn't the suspense of what Tucker is like just killing you?

"Woah dude! That's not my futomaki!"

No way! Tucker said that?

"Dude. It was. IN. SANE."

IN. SANE. IN. DEED.

Move over, King James. There's a new Bible in town. It's the Gospel of Tucker in the hot tub featuring the misplaced futomaki.