New Dad Diary #6: Hello Mr. Society

SPA showing off the goods.

SPA showing off the goods.

Thank you everyone for your kind support over the many years of my existence. You can finally relax and let me soar like some beautiful Chickadee or Red Wing Blackbird. I have finally become a bonafide member of society and won’t be needing the support of friends and loved ones anymore.

You see, since becoming a parent, my status has changed dramatically. I am no longer some silent ape walking among many homo erectus or even some ignored ghoul like a gargoyle statue you’ve seen a hundred times or more.

People are talking to ME. People are talking to me without wanting something of physical value, or me talking to them first wanting something of physical value. No, this exchange is not for goods and services but rather is simply communication resulting from who I am: the owner of this cute baby in this stroller.

Friends, loved ones, acquaintances, strangers, previous pets I’ve taken care of: PEOPLE ARE GETTING TO KNOW ME.

Let me regale you with some of the communication I’ve had with people of whom I’ve had no previous contact with.

“How old is your baby?”

“Um, 3 months I--”

At that point they just start talking about their experience with children or relay some observation about how cute or tall or awake or asleep or tired or big or small or loud my baby is. In fact, I’m pretty confident they’ve never heard me say anything other than the number indicating the baby’s time alive.

It is at this point that you can finally welcome your long time friend, relative or whatever (me) as Mr. Society. A real man about town doing things and TALKING to the people.

I highly recommend having a baby for this immediate status upgrade. You could be me, thrusting your tongue into the air, turning oxygen into words, to strangers in public.

On a side note, if you are inclined to chat with Mr. Society: Get the fuck out my way when I walk with baby. WE BUSY.

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Steve Patrick Adams

Steve Patrick Adams is a comedian, writer, animator, cartoonist, and soon to be a pretty rad Dad. He has been performing stand-up and sketch comedy for over six years across Canada and has written for such media outlets as Bite TV, CBC Punchline, and Mashable. Steve most recently worked as a producer for Bite TV and has created animations for both the station and for his own site, stevepatrickadams.com. You can see regular webcomics and animations on his site and see him perform live with Chuckle Co. at Comedy Bar in Toronto, and with a variety of other comics at Comedy Works in Montreal. Steve currently resides in Montreal but has spent most of his comedic career in Toronto. Virtually all his gawky teenage years were spent in the small town of Beamsville, Ontario.