New Dad Diary #5: The Fantastic Transparent Future

Photo Credit: Steve Patrick Adams

Photo Credit: Steve Patrick Adams

The year 2076, or whenever I die.

“My Dad was a mystery at times, or at least that was until I looked at the many years of his life on social media waves 1 through 17. What a weirdo! RIP” - my daughter’s future eulogy for me.

50 years from now

Her: Remember when you posted thirty years ago about wanting to forgo cancer treatment in order to save insurance money?

30 years from now

Her: I can’t believe I’m thirty; this is the worst!
Me: Thirty is when I started to live!
Her: All I see are pictures of you eating ice cream.
Me: What do you call living?
Her: Travelling.
Me: ...

19 Years from now

Me: You spent a third of your student loan on drinks and brunch!?
Her: Have you even paid off your student loan yet?
Me: Who wants brunch?

16 Years from now

Me: Is this a joint that I found in your backpack? We need to talk...
Her: Is this a tight fifteen minutes of stand-up about your pot use that I found online?
Me:You thought it was tight? Nice.

14 years from now
 

Me: No internet for two weeks! Daddy’s been the subject of another public shaming.

10 years from now

Her: Someone online called your grammar terrible.
Me: Your kidding, me right? It good.

4 years from now

Goodnight, sweetheart! Don’t let the bedbugs bite! And don’t Google Daddy! Promise me you will never google Daddy!

Now

Maybe I should curate my online presence.

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Steve Patrick Adams

Steve Patrick Adams is a comedian, writer, animator, cartoonist, and soon to be a pretty rad Dad. He has been performing stand-up and sketch comedy for over six years across Canada and has written for such media outlets as Bite TV, CBC Punchline, and Mashable. Steve most recently worked as a producer for Bite TV and has created animations for both the station and for his own site, stevepatrickadams.com. You can see regular webcomics and animations on his site and see him perform live with Chuckle Co. at Comedy Bar in Toronto, and with a variety of other comics at Comedy Works in Montreal. Steve currently resides in Montreal but has spent most of his comedic career in Toronto. Virtually all his gawky teenage years were spent in the small town of Beamsville, Ontario.