Dear Brunch Club Member,
Give yourself a pat on the back if you survived the last 5 months in Montreal. For you see, living in Montreal year-round is just like eating an orange. The first 5 bites of the tough, tangy rind are as unforgiving as the blistering cold and obscene levels of snow that we know all too well from Montreal winters. However, once you break through to the sweet, sweet nectar...YOU KNOW IT’S SUMMAH, BABY.
#5. Air Conditioning.
A/C. Just do it. There’s no shame in it. It’s gonna be so damn hot. The planet is already too far gone. Pump that ice cold in air all up in your house. Be comfortable now in the present. You deserve it. But also because there is no future. So like...who cares, right?
#1. Have a summer gum.
Warm weather in Montreal means chilling in parks. Montreal has many beautiful parks and their ability to enable a Montrealer’s alcoholism and nicotine addiction is unrivaled. A strict beer and cigarettes diet, with maybe a cheeseburger in emergency situations, can cause you to develop intense heartburn. Having a favorite fruity, summer gum* to encourage your mouth to produce saliva is important as it will provide temporary heartburn relief. With your heartburn relieved and your breath fruity fresh, you can drink and smoke in the park til the police ask you to leave.
*[h/t Howard Kremer]
Mike Lawrence stand-up comedy show. May 22nd. Tickets here.
Nothing else going on as far we know.
And yes, we are relentlessly shameless about self-promotion and proud of it.
But c’mon. At least we up front with you about it. Don’t you like that for a change?