John Early Changed My Life for the Better...I Think...

Instagram:  Bejohnce

Instagram: Bejohnce

I hated dancing.

I hated dancing so much that whenever I had the misfortune of watching Footloose, I didn't root for that ruffian Kevin Bacon, I wanted John Lithgow's anti-dancing will imposed on the youth forever (or at least long enough for their eternal souls to be saved because he played a pastor in that movie, right?)

I hated dancing so much that I wrote a short film wherein dancing disco-style was the vehicle for a dystopian future. 

But then, 18 weeks ago, I came across a video on Instagram of comedian John Early dancing...

A video posted by John Early (@bejohnce) on

The way he moves...

I felt the same way Lou Pearlman, may he burn in hell, must have felt when he first laid eyes on the young, lithe Brian Littrell: the way he moves is nothing short of a spiritual truth.

The way John Early moves his body. It is as ancient and inside us all as hunting and gathering.

It is violence. It is sex. It is health. It is free.

More, John! Give me more!

A video posted by John Early (@bejohnce) on

I can't fully explain my hatred for dancing beyond that it is simply an extension of self-conscious tendencies. But thanks to John Early, I have come to see the light. I am no longer satisfied with my stiff, sedentary existence, even when there's no music.

Thank you, John...I think...We'll know for sure if I hit the dance floor and get pelted with rotten food because my movement is vulgar.

John Early is a comedian based in NYC. You know him from Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, Netflix Presents: The Characters and his incredible Instagram dancing.