Dear Brunch Clubbers,
Do you ever feel uncomfortable in this city?
One time I was shopping at Little Burgundy and a girl stepped on and then rested on my foot for a full 15 seconds before walking away, never acknowledging it. Another time I got my hand trapped between a man’s body and the metal pole on a metro car. It wasn’t a full metro car, he just didn’t see my hand, and after the first second it became too late to remove it so I just rode like that for about two minutes being silently crushed / also touching his rib cage secretly.
Sometimes I go to stores and accidentally knock several tiny things over with my parka.
Once I got a manicure at the mall and the aesthetician was like “I love Adam Sandler movies” and I agreed with her out of politeness.
Once I was at the bank and I got out of the elevator and one of the employees was standing and waiting on that floor to enter the elevator and I just whispered “thank you” under my breath, for no reason.
This summer I tried to casually eat a chocolate dipped ice cream cone while sitting on the front steps of my apartment building but it dripped on my jeans and then it was dripping so rapidly that I had to stand up and make my body into a bow shape to eat it so that I didn’t get dripped on and it was pretty much a disaster because half the chocolate fell onto the ground and melted into the sidewalk and I worried that later that day, a dog might come along and lick it and get poisoned and it would be my fault for failing to eat this dipped cone efficiently.
If any of this speaks to you, deep down in your awkward heart, then let me take you on an uncomfortable tour of Montreal with the help of a magical lineup of comedians, as part of A Stand Up Guide to Montreal Friday Feb. 19th and Saturday Feb. 20th!