ear Brunch Clubbers and Clubettes,
Over the course of the last few weeks, I know that my column and I have become an important, nay, integral part of each and every one of your lives. After preaching the Hot Gosspel to anyone who would listen for a whopping two installments, many of you saw the light and converted, leaving just a little space in your daily routine to read the scriptures, learn and get a bit closer to Goss.
Then, a full week went by – you were probably thinking, “Did She abandon us? Is Goss a sham? Is there anything left to live for?” The answer, my BBs, is yes – some weeks you may not see Goss, but Goss can see you. Goss can hear you. Goss knows what you need to heal, to hold, to love and to prosper. You need highlights from this week and last, plus an exclusive for good measure. Goss is good! Praise Goss!
BREAKING: Amy Adams is chill as fuck. The Brunch Club obtained this exclusive scoop by not sending me to Osheaga with a press pass last weekend, leading me to maul a bitch on the yellow line and strut into the VIP like I owned the place shortly thereafter. After one too many Gordon’s brand gin-based beverages, I found myself smack dab next to the Academy Award nominated actress while waiting in line for the washroom. She drank beer (no vodka sodas for this gal!), chatted with strangers and made no attempts to cut the line, which would have been legit because she’s a famous person. Is this the longest humblebrag ever? Maybe. Deal with it. Yes.
My unknowing mentor Kim Kardashian took a selfie with Hillary Clinton and posted it on Instagram using the hashtag #HillaryForPresisent. Because she’s a nice looking, rich and successful entrepreneur/icon, people are giving her a hard time about it but, IMO, people can go fuck themselves. I blame the dangerous mixture of fake nails + Blackberry.
Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale broke up after discovering it is, in fact, no longer 1999. People seem upset but, like, when was the last time you actually thought about these people?
All headlines are on Harper Beckham (spawn of Posh Spice and Male British Soccer Player/Underwear Model Spice) this week for a reason so stupid/garbagey that it astounds even the trash-addict typing these satiny-smooth sentences. The whatever-the-opposite-of-precocious-is four year old has an out-of-control pacifier addiction and people are pissed! Why? Because 99.9% of the population just has too much time on its hands. It’s like, OKAY AMERICA, put down the scratch cards and stop with the baby-shaming already – don’t you have enough problems as it is? On the other hand, soothers ick me the fuck out so maybe I’m taking the totally wrong approach to this whole thing?
That’s it for this week – expect Hot Goss injections on a more regular basis starting next Monday. You want it, you need it, oh baby, oh baby.