DID THE OSCARS LITERALLY BORE YOU TO DEATH? Well then, my surprisingly literate and web savvy ghost friend, THIS GOSS IS FOR YOU! Here’s what you missed as you slipped out of this earthly realm into the safe and vaguely more interesting nothingness I can’t yet comprehend, but likely will when next year’s ‘Scars rolls around and I jump off a building after watching an unlikely yet highly irrelevant quartet comprised of Chester Bennington (Linkin Park), Amy Lee (Evanescence), Dave Grohl (on bongos) and Snow perform a nu-metal influenced acapella mashup of Beatles hits. Or something like that. Until then, LET’S GOSS!
Chris Rock called Hollywood racist and everyone was like “lol pretty much”.
True/False: Does Reese Witherspoon look exactly the same at every awards ceremony? The answer is true, end of discussion.
After that manic, musical theatre student-y/rocker mom-y Bowie tribute at the Grammys, I legit thought I was kinda over the whole Lady Gaga thing, but by the end of her performance last night, I was full on tearing up. So, yeah, like, she’s ok I guess and whatever. Not like I care or anything.
Can anyone tell me why I have the sudden urge to listen to Chumbawama?
Did I Goss about the Oscars last year? I can’t even remember. Anyway, I might have mentioned this at some point but isn’t it strange that the Best Actress category always comes before the Best Actor one? Same with supporting? It’s creepy/makes it seem so much less important. Like, last night, we had Brie Larson win for her role in Room (A+ v good job Academy-who-definitely-needs-some-nobody’s-moral-support), then the announcers try to get us all psyched to see who wins Best Actor and Best Picture after the break. IMO, Best Picture should stand alone because, technically, the awards for Actor and Actress are equally important (SORRY 2 GET ALL POLITIX ON U LOL IM ALMOST DONE). EVERYONE knew Leo was going to win Best Actor, so why not get that shit over with before the final commercial break? Were I any less dedicated to the cause of GOSS (and needed to prove that Leo is, indeed an ISSUES MAN who would talk NATURE n whatever during his acceptance speech), I might have just tuned out after Best Actress and Googled that shit in the morning. In fact, I might have just Googled this entire ceremony. Summary: life’s unfair/nothing means anything. End of rant.
If you didn’t bother to read that last paragraph, LEO WON. Time to find a new ice-breaker convo topic.
I sincerely hope Jennifer Lawrence got stoned before/during that ceremony (it’s a thing that happened once!) because the odds of her winning this year were slim and the Girl Scout cookies were plentiful.
Ryan Gosling is SUCH A JOKERRRRR.
The crew behind Mad Max: Fury Road all seem pretty rad, especially that costume designer who wore an ugly-ish leather jacket, talked forever and just generally didn’t give a fuck.
Lesson(s) of the day: Tracy Morgan should have starred in The Danish Girl and commercials are, like, 10x longer than I remember them being. It’s totally possible/probably that my attention span/brain-in-gen has shrunken significantly since high school.
Who is Stacey Dash? Much to Gabrielle Union’s dismay, the answer is infinitely less clear than ever before.
Who is Mark Rylance? Much to my dismay, the answer is infinitely less clear than ever before. Still won’t see Bridge of Spies, though.
Lots of other stuff happened (Spotlight won Best Picture, Sam Smith’s falsetto was a little sketchy but he won for that bordering-on-awful Bond theme anyway, etc.) but WHO HAS THE TIME?!?!