WELCOME TO HOT GOSS’ FIRST ANNUAL TRASHY AWARDS, CELEBRATING THE FINEST IN FORGETTABLE TABLOID CULTURE SINCE 2015.
I know you didn’t need another recap of the year we all just experienced and kinda-sorta-mostly-remember-ish, buuuut it’s happening anyway.
AND THE TRASHY GOES TO….
BEST ‘BLOID BABY: SAINT WEST aka the Second, Third, Fourth and Fifth Koming of Khrist.
FAMOUS FRIENDSHIP FORGED IN THE FIREY DEPTHS OF HELL AND SENT TO EARTH AS A PUNISHMENT FOR HUMANKIND’S SELFISH, SELFISH WAYS: Taylor Swift and Blake Lively, obvs. Unrelated(ish): Is the Swift Squad our generation’s Pussy Posse? Is Tay-Tay actually David Blaine in disguise? Could this whole Swift sensation be a result of the most impressive long con/illusion of all time? More on this in 2016.
THE NEW CLASSIC AWARD FOR DEVELOPMENT IN MOVIE TROPERIE: Alejandro González Iñárritu’s The Revenant. Expect a significant spike in simulated and/or suggested Bear Rape in 2016 and beyond. It really gets people going.
PERV WE ALL SAW “CUM”-ING: Jared Fogel, who somehow managed to push his 6-inch sammy on all of us for over a decade before anyone actually spoke up.
BEST MOMENT IN KARDASHIAN KULTURE: When Rob (HE TOTALLY COUNTS) compared Kim to Gone Girl’s Amazing Amy and Kris was all “just ignore him… as usual.”
BEST ANIMAL-RELATED INSTAGRAM MOMENT: Amanda Seyfried for bringing my attention to this lost dog pic. Just look at this dog. Who in their right mind would think they’d get away with stealing this dog? This dog and its ‘napping deserves this sort of international/interweb-wide attention.
THE GEORGE LUCAS AWARD FOR EXCESS IN MARKETING: Star Wars 7: Sweatin’ With The Oldies. That’s what it’s called, right?
THE MILEY CYRUS AWARD FOR INABILITY/RELUCTANCE TO CEASE THOUGH IT MAY BE WISE: Wayne Coyne, formerly known as the lead singer of the Flaming Lips and currently known as Miley’s adopted 60 year old teenaged son.
MOMENT THAT MOST PROVED THE END IS NIGH: America’s Next Top Model’s untimely cancellation. Tyra clearly knows something we don’t i.e. that the end is nigh/life is meaningless/no one gives two fucks about who models for Zappos Couture and why should they whether or not the world is ending.
THE PARIS HILTON AWARD FOR ACHEIVEMENT IN GLORIOUS NOTHINGNESS THAT WILL SPAWN A SLEW OF TEDIOUS THINK PIECES A DECADE FROM NOW (BY NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN): Kylie Jenner. Clearly.
Have any other good Trashy Award suggestions? Tweet them to us at @lamegenerator and @BrunchClubMTL and use the hashtag #HotGoss.