I’m not feeling very poptimistic today and the Goss I’ve gathered for today’s column really isn’t helping. Get ready for some seriously bleak HOT GOSS.
First of all, Miley Cyrus has to stop acting like a literal baby because it’s fucking disgusting. This photo makes me rage so hard, it hurts. Wearing a prosthetic penis on stage is one thing, but this is the shit that leads me to believe she’s losing her fucking mind.
I am psychedelically hungover, so when I noticed the name "Jason Derulo" was trending on Facebook (without any mention of death or dying or sexual assault or something) I just assumed I was hallucinating and moved on with my brain dead browsing sesh. For those of you dying to know what duder’s been up to, he’s dating a moderately successful model. Shocking. Definitely Facebook trending-worthy.
Is it chill to nap at 5PM if you woke up around 12PM and will likely hit the sack around 11PM? How long does one have to be awake for a day to be constituted as such? What is a life lived? Why are we all here?
I would like to formally apologize to Beyoncé for all those times I disrespected her by refusing to properly accent her name out of laziness. Sorry, B.
Is it just me, or does it seem like no one’s comfortable just casually appreciating Christmas this year? The Internet is leading me to believe that it’s an all or nothing situation – like, either you’ve been prepping since October or you’d literally rather chop your dick off than take part in the holiday cheer. What’s the deal?
This video of Australian adults freaking the fuck out over Kendall and Kylie Jenner fills me with hope for the future when we’re all dead.