The Friggin Most Scariest Story Friggin Ever



There once was a sweet young lady by the name of Shelly who lived all alone in a freshly renovated Mile Ex apartment. Though her home had been outfitted with new cupboards, it still had a terrible habit of cricking and creaking on brisk Autumn nights…especially on Halloween…because this particular apartment was built on the grounds of an old sanitarium… (SPOOKY!)

Long after the doorbell stopped announcing the arrival of sweet little angels dressed as their favourite meme looking to fill their pillowcases with sweets, Shelly had cozied up underneath the covers. And while her bed was most comfortable, the greatest comfort of all was that another Halloween had come and gone without suffering a terrible fright…

Or so she thought… (UH OH!)

Just as she was about to drift off into a dreamland complete with a talking dog for a best friend, a THUMP sprung her back to life.

“It’s just the house settling!” she screamed with all the hope in her heart.

For a split second, Shelly’s cry reassured her that nothing super scary was about to happen. However, no one, not even a spritely spirit such as Shelly’s, can convince themselves with confidence that improperly backfilled soil can explain a KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK in the dead of night. Worse, it’s not just any old night…it’s Halloween night! (SPOOKY!)

Paralyzed with fear, Shelly pulled the covers over her head and shouted to her midnight caller, “Be gone, sweet little angel! I have no candies left to reward your Damn, Daniel costume!”

Though there were no candies to be had, the KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK was back at it again with the white Vans. As she squirmed underneath the sheets, silence brought her no solace. 

Deep into that darkness peering, long she lay there wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before…but the silence was unbroken and the stillness gave no token and the words there spoken were the whispered word, “Oh my god this is scary!”

All her soul within her burning, soon again she hard the tapping somewhat louder than before. 

“Surely,” said Shelly, “surely that is something at my window lattice; let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore—Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—T’is the wind and nothing more!” But sadly, not even Shelly’s penchant for poetics could make come true the half-asleep rationalizations.

She cast aside her covers and darted to the window, scanning for any trace of wind when the front door’s CREAK echoed through the apartment, spreading dread straight to Shelly’s little heart. 

“Surely,” said Shelly,”surely that is not my front door swinging open; let me seen, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore—Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—T’is the neighbour or perhaps myself breaking wind and nothing more!”

Following the same fatal instinct that puts forward the urge to jump when close to a ledge, Shelly exited her bedroom to face her Halloween intruder. Hunched over in the darkened hallway was none other than Jeremy!

Who is Jeremy? Did I not mention him? He’s a guy that died and is now a ghost. Spooky, no?

“Do you want to play a game? I know what you did last summer, Shelly, and the call is coming from inside the house! Also you’re pregnant with Rosemary’s baby and death has come to your little town, sheriff. You’ve always been the caretaker! It’s all for you, Damian!”

“Is that it?” Shelly asked.

“Yes. I’ll show myself out.” And with that, Jeremy’s ghostly outline evaporated into the darkness.