The New York Times, a newspaper of note, recently put Canadian Thanksgiving on blast, revealing to its readership that a country as quaint as Canada has--for centuries--taken the time-honoured American tradition of gluttony and twisted it into some sick holiday that totally spits in the face of Columbus Day. Quelle horreur!
Isn't it strange that a newspaper with over 100 Pulitzer Prizes to its name would take the time to report on a holiday I have personally known about for nearly 26-years as if it were a clandestinely pagan festival? Mind you, they did do an excellent job of justifying the exposé's existence:
"Strictly from a branding point of view, Canada could have done more to position its holiday apart in the public mind. A single distinctively Canadian dish would help. So would a vivid back story."
Now, I know this goes against our understated nature as Canadians, but if we are ever going to spare ourselves from patronizing news coverage in the future, we need to do something about Canadian Thanksgiving's branding!
A single distinctively Canadian dish:
Piece of ham, glazed in maple syrup and beer,
served freezing cold on a hockey puck that apologizes to you
because it's the polite thing to do.
We call it: apple pie.
Does this please you, New York Times?
A vivid backstory
In the early 21st century, an American came to Canada.
The American was shocked to see that there were people on the frigid ice floes, all bundled and with their glowing hearts pressed together for warmth.
"Do ye have holidays in Canada?" the whig'd American cried.
"What kind of holidays do ye have in Canada?"
"We have May TWO-FOUR weekend in Canada!"
"What is May TWO-FOUR weekend?"
"It is the weekend we drink ourselves sick in honour of the Queen!"
"Do ye have Thanksgiving in Canada?"
And that's how America invented Canadian Thanksgiving. The end.
🇨🇦 ✌️ 😘 🇨🇦