Comedy Master Class is a free online course presented by The Brunch Club where regular people like yourself can earn their comedy GEDs and achieve their wildest dream of laughing out loud. Today, Comedy Master Class teaches aspiring comedians how to tell their parents they have decided to pursue comedy.
So you want to be a comedian, eh? Think you are ready to kill the sold-out crowds at your local open mic night with your quirky observations and turns of phrase, do you? You may think you are ready, but you are not. Not until you have told your parents that you want to be a comedian.
As unpleasant as breaking the news to your parents may seem, I assure you that it is far worse than anything you could possibly imagine. I also assure you that it is absolutely necessary.
No comedy club worth their salt will let you set foot anywhere near a mic, open or not, unless you have proof that you have told your parents that you want to become a comedian. Even though you may be an adult, free to make irresponsible decisions like trying to make a bunch of drunk, uninterested strangers laugh, pursuing comedy has its liabilities. A joke may kill and over-inflate your ego to unbearable proportions. A joke may bomb and so will your self-respect. A joke may get a lukewarm response, and I pray that it doesn't because a lukewarm response will send you spiralling down into an existential crisis of epic proportions.
No matter what happens on stage, doing comedy changes a person. It jades them. It jealousizes them. It starves them for attention. It has even known to make people confident and boost self-esteem. Regardless of the new psychological trajectory comedy sets you on, your parents must be alerted to the fact that you will never be the boy/girl they raised and that you'll soon replace them with a new family comprised of lesser comics desperate for your approval, agents with a bad case of avarice, managers who always seem to have forgotten their wallets when the check arrives and producers that promise your amazing pilot script will get picked up someday.
Furthermore, every comedian worth their salt must be able to do at least 45 minutes of material on how their family is crazy. If any of this material is performed without alerting the parents in advance, the club is liable to be sued for slander. Good luck trying to get a gig when the only comedy club in town has to close because of the massive lawsuit your parents filed against it.
"BUT WHY? WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL MY PARENTS? CAN'T THEY JUST FIND OUT ON THEIR OWN?"
The indignity! Your parents are brutish but at least have the decency to be better than them! No matter how reluctantly, did your parents not keep you clothed, fed and sheltered for 15 to 40 years? Letting them know that you are repaying their kindness by turning your back on them is the least you can do.
When you have worked up the nerve to break the news to your parents that you are going to pursue comedy, you must print off the following, read it to them, get it signed by a notary public and take a photo with your parents holding the text.
The Comedian's Oath of Honour
I, *your name here*, solemnly swear
To be really, really, really
Like really funny.
After taking the oath (plus getting it signed by a notary public and posing for a photo with it and your parents), still have reservations and say stuff like, "How will you support yourself?" Remind them that comedy is technically showbiz, the only recession-proof industry, and as long as the world needs to laugh, you'll have job security. Also take this opportunity to remind them that though you will be leaving the family for all intents and purposes, that does not mean you must be written out of the will.
"BUT WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE PARENTS?"
There's no room in the crowded world of comedy for orphans. Perhaps swing by the orphanage, grab the first little cutie-muffin you see with a funny bone and live through their future comedy careers.
Comedy Master Class is a free online course presented by The Brunch Club where regular people like yourself can earn their comedy GEDs and achieve their wildest dream of laughing out loud.