Doug Stanhope's Road Trip Made Bearable by David Heti

Doug Stanhope recently tweeted about his drive from Montreal to Toronto—an utterly boring five and a half hours of flat redundant highway (four and a half hours if you're willing to risk a couple of demerit points and a five hundred dollar ticket). 

This got us thinking about all the dull road trips had and to come, and a few tips you can use to make your next one less tedious:

1. Catch up on all those text messages and emails you've been putting off. Sure texting and driving is dangerous and illegal but that only applies to city driving. It's totally safe on the highway.

Vintage cellphones are hard to come by.

Vintage cellphones are hard to come by.

2. Think of all the learning you can do by listening to an audio book while you drive. Going to a fancy dinner party when you reach your destination? Throw on some Sartre or Kant read by Channing Tatum or Bam Margera. They're intellectual party favours to help you impress all kinds of physically attractive insufferable snobs. 

Because who doesn't want a fresh perspective on garbage?

Because who doesn't want a fresh perspective on garbage?

3. Good company is the best way to kill time on the road. If you're desperate, pickup a hitchhiker. The Bonus of their companionship is the element of terror they provide as you spend hours trying to decipher whether they're a violent psychopath, or whether you've lost your faith in humanity.

Remember: Don't judge a book by its cover.

Remember: Don't judge a book by its cover.

4. Listen to David Heti's standup album "It Was OK". It is indeed ok.